We’ve all experienced success in our lives. Success is a random word and is measured differently by every person who uses it. No matter how we define success, we’re familiar with it in varying degrees.
Success is measured all throughout our lives. Students are successful in school, or on sports teams, teenagers develop a sense of success when they get their drivers licenses or are accepted into college. As adults we often brag about our successful careers, kids and marriages.
Have you experienced the negative emotions displayed by friends when you’ve shared your success? That phenomenon is called the “success-effect”! And yet at other times, they share your excitement about your achievements with no “effect” at all. Why?
Recognizing the Success Effect and why it appears at some times and not others is instrumental. Knowing how to effectively handle friends and family and draw them to you, positively, to celebrate your success with you, is the ultimate definition of success. Wouldn’t you agree?
Your success is like a shining light, but not always the way you would think. When you succeed, friends that have not had the same success as you may compare themselves to you, and see their own failures more clearly. They either acknowledge that which is painful OR they react negatively towards you as a self-defense mechanism. So why is it that the Success Effect only happens sometimes and not others?
The Success Effect is based solely on the individual definition and comparison of two people. Consider the success of Michael Phelps in the 2008 Olympics. For the majority of us, we could celebrate with him because as we compare ourselves to him there is very little chance that we’d ever compete in the Olympics. But, his teammate who came closest to him in the race, might hold some resentment about the success of his races because he came that close to attaining the same success, but failed. He’s experiencing the success-effect. However, Mark Spitz, who also became an Olympic record holder, would choose to celebrate the achievement. All of them are swimmers, all of them enormously successful, but very different reactions to the individual success, because of comparison.
For you to use this to your advantage in creating closer relationships, you must understand this and act accordingly. They don’t wish you failure. They are simply avoiding being positive about your success because that would mean they have to face their own deficiencies. Have empathy towards this fear and assist your friends and loved ones to grow. It is in this way that the Success Effect can serve you in being outward-focused.
So far we have been viewing this from the perspective of your successes and your friends. Let’s cut the crap, you are guilty of this at times too, aren’t you? We sure were… actually, quite frequently in our past. It has become much less often for us now but these emotions still show up from time to time. In fact, you are probably much further along than we were when we learned this concept.
Of all the “Human Needs,” Significance is the one that is pertinent to what we are discussing here. By relating our experience to those around you, we determine our “significance” based on what we’re comparing ourselves to. If it’s a success, and we don’t have any, we may feel insignificant. .
You are halfway to overcoming this negativity… We have some simple steps that allow you to cheer on your friends and families as they have their success. You won’t be “run” by this emotional response any longer and feel the need for comparisons. So, let’s get started:
1. The first thing to do is to be aware of your feelings of envy and jealousy.
2. The truth is that there is abundance in all things. Remember that. Lack and limitation don’t exist anywhere but in the ego. You can do anything.
3. Think of three ways you have significance right now in your life. How does that make you feel?
4. Send love to the successful person energetically. Create clear images in your mind why you are happy for them. Remember that your own success is just around the corner, and there is nothing more to do (for them) but to congratulate and love them.
Once you do these steps, you’ll be overcome with a sense of peace and calm. You’ll be free to enjoy your friends and family’s success and support them on their journey, and set the example as well, so they can share in your future success!
Visit Mary Morrissey‘s video on “How To Be A Success” or you can Ask Mary Morrissey your questions!
